Tag: Love

Moving On

“The best way to move on is from the inside out. It is when you live out the grace of God from the core of your being.” (Bo Sanchez)
Over the past three years, I have to endure listening to the same well-meaning comments/advices from friends and people I know, “You are still young…you should be open to love again…get married…start another family…move on.” I cannot count the number of times I had to politely smile my way out of such conversations. Sometimes I cannot help but wonder whether these people would eagerly fall for the next guy that comes along or readily jump at a chance at love had our situations been reversed, or if, they actually know what they are talking about.
Surprisingly for others, “moving on” simply means falling in love again. But, I beg to disagree because my faith tells me differently. Stripped of its romantic notion and all the drama surrounding it, “moving on” is best described in the Serenity Prayer. It is, by the grace of God, “having the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and wisdom to know the difference.” It is “living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, and accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.” It is “trusting that He will make all things right if you surrender to His Will, that you may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him, forever in the next.” Finding love or tying the knot again has nothing to do with it.
By this measure alone, I’d like to think that I have serenely moved on. As what John said in the gospel, my joy is now complete. And, I believe the decision of whether or not I get another shot at love someday is not mine or even others to dictate or predict. It is the Lord’s. So please, next time you speak to a widow, do her a big favor, wish her true joy and peace instead, and leave the rest to Cupid.

Dear Sweetheart

My sweet man, I will forever mourn for “us” and for the happy years that will never be. I may have learned to live with this pain but I will never completely get over your loss. Everytime I hear a too familiar song, chance upon our favorite spot, or catch a whiff of your perfume…everytime Bianca and I celebrate a milestone or make a dream come true, you still come alive in my heart. There is no end to my grief because there’s no end to my love for you. Know that wherever this life takes me, I will always carry you in my heart.???? Happy anniversary, sweetheart.


When I took this little girl under my wing a few years ago, I knew right away that she’s totally different. She was grade 2 then. For one thing, she can’t sit still or stay inside the classroom for long. She’s quite something else too. She had no qualms speaking her mind, didn’t care one bit about her classmates or teachers’ opinions, and worst she would cry and beg every morning for me to send her home because she misses her mom. She was like this for 3 straight years.
Her teachers would often find themselves at their wits end trying to figure out a way to make her sit, listen, follow, and focus in class. Her fourth year in school was almost the same minus the crying episode. While the rest seemed to have given up on her, her mom and I never got tired believing that one day, she’ll make a complete turn around. Faith, hope, and love, we gave her a lot of that.
And my dear Chloe, she did not disappoint. On our fifth and last year together as mentor-mentee, and on her final year in grade school, she made it happen. She managed to make herself be what her family and I hoped and prayed for her to be. Clearly not perfect but right enough to make the Lord equally proud and happy too.
My Chloe, she has since moved to high school. I thank the Lord that she made her different than the rest because through her I witnessed yet another one of those amazing miracles that would make me continue to believe that no matter how uncertain things may seem at the start, with faith, hope, and love, all shall be well in the end.

Chronicles of a Reluctant Widow: Inertia

nanblancs3 years later and I still remember everything like it was just yesterday: how I watched helplessly as the doctor shocked your heart back into rhythm. How I willed the flatlines to move. How I waited with bated breath for the current to bring back the light in your eyes. 38 years of momentum and then suddenly, a complete stop. I imagine the force it took to silence the last beat of your heart. It must have been so great because it flung you out far, too far where I can never reach you, except by remembering. Someday, death will come to stop me too, and I will give him a big fight. He will have to drain the entire universe of every star to hold my body down. And like how I planned it all along, I will be flung out to the heavens too at fullspeed, I will defy gravity, change tides, and slow down light. And I will search every inch of heaven until I find you.

True Love

I believe that true love happens only once, my little infinity with Nan taught me that. If by any chance, a person comes along, a person who has the capacity to love with the same passion and intensity as (if not more than) Nan..a person who also knows exactly how to make her girl feel adored, cherished, and loved…a person who would love and care for me the same way Nan did to my mom, I wish him not for myself but for my daughter, Bianca because I had more than enough of that kind of love from Nan.
Today, I remember the beautiful love, the special bond and the deep connection that I shared with my lover, bestfriend and better half. There’s always that sadness and longing in remembrance but there’s also that extreme joy in knowing that I was lucky enough to have found my true love at a time God deemed perfect and that the little time we had together amounted to the happily ever after that I always dreamed of for myself. Happy Hearts Day everyone, wishing you all the same special love that I shared with my husband. Wherever you are, I hope you are spending this day with your one true love, if not, you still have the rest of the 364 days to make up for today. #chroniclesofareluctantwidow

Dear Dad

It’s been a month since you’ve been gone but I still can’t get over the fact that you left me so suddenly, so soon, without even a proper goodbye.  Had I known that that morning was the last time I will be seeing you,  I wouldn’t have slept as soundly as I did in the car.  I would have spent the remaining hours with you talking about the old times and the future like we used do. I would have stayed behind when all the girls have gone off to their classrooms to hug you much tighter, kiss you much longer and tell you how much I love you. I still wonder up to this day why you never bothered to rouse me from sleep that day like you always do in the morning, I was thinking was it because you didn’t want to say goodbye. I remember how goodbyes mean so much to you, how you would never leave the house without your customary kiss and “I love You” however near or far you’re going. It breaks my heart everytime I think about how you shed tears when you fell and had the heart attack, I imagined it was because you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. Your friends had their last recollection of how you unusually waved  goodbye to them that morning, but as far as me and Bianca are concerned, there wasn’t any.   But I do understand dad, the call of God probably was so resounding, something you cannot ignore,  that you had to heed and leave everything behind.
I miss you every minute of every day.  I miss the comfort that your presence brings.  I miss our early morning ritual of tender hugs that always reassures me that everything is right in my world.  I miss your infectious smile and your belly laughs that make my heart dance.  I miss your kisses that never fail to make me tingle and giggle with glee.  I miss going on secret dates with you. I miss our snuggles and cuddles in bed. I miss holding hands with you under the covers.  I miss sleeping on your chest at night.  I miss you reaching out to me in sleep to pull me for a hug.  I miss our quiet intimacy. I miss waking to your voice. I miss your texts and I love You calls.  I miss  you waiting up for me from my Saturday classes so we can have lunch together.  I miss seeing your welcoming face in gate 3. I miss your mischievousness,  your jokes, your pranks, and your smart ass comments. I miss teasing you and making you laugh.  I miss you.
I have always wondered why we always had to do things in a rush, the way we got married and had a baby, the way you switched jobs in pursuit of your dreams.  But then, I do understand now, it’s because you had little time to do everything.  It was a life well lived dad and I am glad to be a big part of it.  I still marvel at the number of people who came to pay their last respect to you.  They came in droves and there was not a  dry eye in church during your funeral. A lot of people felt your loss. They still continue to come to me even up to this day to tell me how you have touched their lives, how you had shown kindness to them.  I marvel at the magnanimity of your heart and its capacity to love and care till the end.
I remember our conversation the night before you died, you asked me if we were happy even if its just the four of us, yes we were happy dad. You made all of us happy, you made me happy. I never really knew what happiness was until I met you. If there was one decision that I am proud of and never regret doing, its the decision of marrying you. You have been the best partner even if I wasn’t most of the time. You are my happiness, my dream come true, my prince charming, my happily ever after, my knight in shining armor, but most importantly my better half, my man, my best friend. I am proud to be called your wife and the mother of your child.
Surprisingly dad, this is one instance that I am not mad at you. I know I should be since you left me high and dry but then  I understand why you had to go. You have come full circle, you’ve made your dreams come true, you have accomplished what you and God have set yourself to do.  I understand that you need to rest baby after the tireless way you have shown  how much you love and care for us, your family.   Though it breaks my heart to let you go, I did since the day God took you back.  Like I always remind myself, you’re not mine to keep however hard I tried. I only had one fear in life before and that is to loose you, and since that fear had been realized, my fear now is not to see you and be with you in heaven when my time comes. Never in my life had I imagined that I will grow old alone, I always picture old age with you. I held on to your promise that you would take care of me when we’re old.   I guess when that time comes, I will just content myself with telling stories about  how I was once married to the sweetest, most loving and devoted husband to our grandchilren.
Don’t worry about Bianca dad, I will take care of her, the way you would have wanted, the way we’ve always wanted. Don’t worry about me, I will be fine. It may take a while before the sting in my heart goes away, but I will be fine.  Everytime I think of you I can’t help but cry, smile and laugh as I remember the good times, the fun times, the silly times.  If I close my eyes, I get to travel back to the time that we’re together and I can almost feel again that love, that togetherness, that simple joy of being with you. You’ve left me with so much good memories dad, memories that I know will get me through the tough times ahead.
My future looks lonely without you in the picture dad, but if there’s one thing you have taught me, it is to be happy.  Someday, I promise I will get to that place again, but for now, allow me to weep for I yearn for your presence still.  I will always love you and will hold your memories close to my heart.  I will never get tired of telling people how I found my happiness with you.  I will never get tired of telling people that once I was happily married to a good man who spent his lifetime making me feel adored, cherished, and loved.
I love you every second, of every minute, of every hour, of everyday. Thank you for loving me, life with you was pure bliss.  Till we meet again baby, I promise you I will get myself to heaven so we can see each other again.
Your Switart

Recipe for Love

I’ve never been good in the kitchen. I am a lousy cook in fact. Somehow, I never got the recipes right which is the reason why I have high regards for people who can effortlessly whip up delectable dishes and fantastic kitchen creations just by mixing stuffs. They just know, like when to add a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
Though I know you won’t trust me in your kitchen since I don’t know much about cooking, I say I know enough about relationship from my own personal experience (10 years of puppy love, 2 years of boy-girl relationship and 11 years of marriage, how’s that?) that you would probably believe me when I say that I have created the almost perfect recipe for love. And since I want everyone to be as happy as me in his/her relationship this season of love, let me share my own special recipe for love with you. The ingredients that I used here are all natural even the preservatives since I really want the love to be for keeps.

photo credit: Pinterest

So here’s what you will need:
BASIC INGREDIENTS: (you cannot omit any of these or else it wouldn’t taste as heavenly as it should be)
A hand full of Friendship and Commitment
A cup full of Faith, Loyalty and Trust
FOR SPICE: (you may opt to choose any of these ingredients. But for a more flavourful and colourful taste, I suggest you add all three)
A pinch of laughter
A dash of romance
A smidgen of fun
PRESERVATIVES (it is highly recommended that you use all three so as to prolong and preserve the L-O-V-E)
A bottle of Quality Time
A spoonful of Loving Words
A pack full of Gentle Actions
1. In low heat, melt a hand full of friendship and commitment in a heart shaped saucepan. (As these two ingredients melt, watch your relationship grow)
2. Slowly pour in a cup full of faith, loyalty and trust. ( As you patiently wait for these ingredients to work its magic in your relationship, open your eyes and witness how it will strengthen and mature both of you)

3. Add a bottle of quality time, spoonful of loving words and a pack of gentle actions.
(As you apply these in your relationship, see how you bring out the best in each other)

4. Sprinkle generously with a pinch of laughter, a dash of romance and a smidgen of fun. (As you allow your relationship to be filled with these ingredients, bask in the happiness that you bring in each others’ life)
5. Cover and let it simmer for a while.
6. Serve hot. Don’t forget to drink from each others’ cup.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

My Special Date with My Husband

I do go out on dates with my husband but often times it is usually a group date or a cosy twosome.  It’s been a long time since I went out on a real date with him alone.  Well of course when we were just dating, we do that often.  By date I mean, being together just the two of us, talking non-stop about anything and everything, holding hands, teasing around, looking at each other’s eyes, sharing secrets, reminiscing, simply having fun and enjoying each other’s company.  It did not happen in a fancy restaurant or in one of our favorite bars.  We did not even dress up for it.  But I can truly say that it was the best date ever.
My husband is great in creating the mood, of setting the tone for an upcoming date.  All the way home yesterday, he can’t stop sharing his plans for this grand date.  I must admit, he got me excited also.  After he picked up my mom from work and the customary dinner with my daughter and mom, we dressed up for our date.  Me in my favorite comfy shirt, pajama bottom and puffy slippers, and he in his favorite tattered white shirt and boxer shorts.  Like I said the date did not happen in some fancy place.  We had it in the lanai of our house.  He was ready not with a full course dinner but with bags of chips.  We did not drink first class wine but bottles of beer.  We did not have a string quartet to serenade us but music coming out from our ipod hooked to our good old speakers.  For the first time after a long time, we were alone…talking, laughing, teasing, holding hands, singing together and stealing kisses.  We’ve never talked as openly as we did that moment and  we never shared thoughts with each other as much as we did last night.   Of course in every date there’s bound to be intruders but instead of spoiling the moment for us our little intruder added a dash of fun to it.  We were visited a couple of times by this little giggling photographer who keeps taking photos of this special moment.  At some point during the evening also I saw little pair of eyes peeking out from the room window, she was snooping and she was smiling widely in our direction.  It was great. I never wished to be some place else last night and I never wished for that date to be any different.  It was for me, just perfect.
Married life demands so much.  There’s always a lot of things happening and a lot of things taking your time. It is a constant balancing act of making sure the circus is running smoothly.  Often times in a day, my husband will just catch me for quick kiss, peck in the cheek, surprise hug or nuzzle in the neck and a whispered I love you. For him and for me those things are enough to pull us out of the chaotic married life for a moment and bring us back to our own little world.  Those things  make up for the dates we planned that did not happen because of  this little girl and old lady we just can’t leave behind. That is why I never love my husband as much as I did last night because he planned our special date that way.  Because he knew that if we had it in a fancy restaurant or in one of our favorite bar, I would never have enjoyed the food, the music and everything for I would always think of the two special persons we would have left behind.  He is that sweet and thoughtful. The night as expected ended in a special way, but of course I would not go into details anymore, it is just too private. hihihi(“,)