Tag: Chronicles

With Joy and Thanksgiving, Goodbye 2013!

I am sending 2013 off to history with a twinge of sadness as with every ending as well as with quiet jubilation like most beginnings. Almost everyone I know can’t wait for it to end not because it has been so bad but because we all want a fresh start.
I have nothing but good memories and recollections of 2013. If there’s anything I learned from this year, it is that miracles do come true. This year, I had one too many, one of the most amazing of which was our surprise trip this year. Who would have thought that my daughter and I will be given a chance to go on an all expense paid trip for two with full accomodation and pocket money to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia last February. And to top it all off, strut my stuff and walk the runaway like a supermodel for one night. To think that all I asked from the Lord was just a funny and happy Valentine? The Lord had given me that and a lot more. He showed me how He can bring me to places with the talent He has blessed me with. And He made me feel beautiful in the most cherished way.
2013 may be a year of challenges, the most trying of which for me was when my daughter was diagnosed with pappilary carcinoma. But, it is also a year where I witnessed how generosity sprang forth from the hearts of many, overflowing and amazing in its glory. The Yolanda victims can attest to this and would know from their hearts when I say that, God will indeed provide. I only asked for little but He gave me so much more. In the darkest time of our life, I saw Him clearly and brightly in the faces of the many friends, family, colleagues and even strangers who have supported us, spiritually, emotionally and financially, so my Bianca will be well again. I felt His guiding hand as He led me to the right places and the right people whom He had entrusted to perform His miracle. Even to this day, I still cannot believe that I was (and still am continuosly) blessed abundantly with the goodness of the Lord.
2013 opened my eyes to the reality also that angels do exist. Yes, they do. They take the form of friends, family, and strangers. They are everywhere, waiting for the perfect oppurtunity to extend help and to make us feel better with their presence. Most often, they don’t realize it but they have become God’s instrument to make us realize that despite what we are going through we are never ever alone. On our end, we should always allow them to do what they have been destined to do in our life.
Yearly, I would dictate my list to the Lord. The things I want to happen, things I plan to happen in my life. When Nan, my husband, died a year ago, I stopped doing that. It is because when he died, I felt so lost. For the first time I didn’t know what I want, I didn’t know where I want to go. I cannot see far into the future. I just simply followed where the Lord led me. And my God, He led me to places far beyond my wildest dreams. He gave me so many opportunities to grow in faith, grace, strength, and love. And I know that this 2014, I need not ask, for He would do the same. I trust that He knows exactly the desires of my heart and would work accordingly. But then, wether He give them or not doesn’t matter anymore, for I have learned to humbly submit myself to His Will. After everything that has happened, I believe with all my heart that His Will is always always what is best for us.
And so I end 2013, with joy and thanksgiving and welcome 2014 with great anticipation for what is to come. And as I await the coming year, I have only one thing to say to the Lord, it is that: Lord, surprise me. I am ready.

Let Go and Let God

I always prided myself for having the gift of foresight. Between my husband and I, I usually am the one who always had a clear vision of our future. In most cases, I managed to get us where I want us. I managed to make things happen for us. To me the future was so certain that absolutely nothing can mess it up…or so I thought.
The hardest part of losing my husband is losing sight of the future as well. After his death, I can’t seem to look forward into the future. No matter how desperately I try, I can’t seem to get a good grasp of it. And this has left me feeling scared.
That was a year ago. Fast forward to today, I am now living the future that I feared the most last year. Things surprisingly have been better. Yes there are still bad days but like always, the good far outweighs the bad.
It was when I allowed myself to live in complete abandon and to stop obessing about “tomorrow” that the future became less intimidating. Though it still appears vague most of the time in my mind, I don’t bend myself backwards trying to figure it out anymore.
After having been in the receiving end of God’s abundant grace, love, compassion and generosity the past year, I know for certain now that He will continue to walk me through it till the end. All I simply need to do is to continue to, with deep faith and trust, let go and let God take over.
Originally written for Eat and Cheat Cancer Book Project. Please support and like our page in facebook.

Born To Inspire

I remember how difficult the months were following the death of my husband. I can still recall the many times I found myself at my wits end trying to make sense of what happened. The many times I had to struggle to keep myself together lest I loose what little is left of my sanity.
Looking back though, I marvel at the capacity of the human spirit to withstand grief, pain, and loss. If there’s one thing I realized from this experience, it is that we are clearly made of sterner stuff than we imagined. When backed against a wall or pushed to our limits, we will manage to rise above the situation.
And what is amazing is that as we bravely face the battle raging in and outside of our self everyday, we become a moving force that encourage others to do the same.
So as you deal with the loss of your loved one, as you try to get through your difficult and painful treatment, as you struggle to stay afloat in your own sea of uncertainty and despair, remember to stand tall and fight back with all you’ve got. You’ll never know, you just might help one weary “soldier” out there find the courage in his heart to continue on after seeing that you can.
We are born in this world for one reason alone and that is, to inspire.

Originally written for Eat and Cheat Cancer Book Project.

Chronicles of A Reluctant Widow #7: Leap of Faith

Answered prayers are not magic, they’re miracles and love. And since they’re love, the answer is not always a yes. Sometimes its difficult to understand why certain things need to happen or why things did not go as planned. Yes, we know that they do happen for a reason but many times, the reason is simply lost to us.
Our faith dictates us though to trust that everything will make sense in the future. To believe with all our heart that God will reveal His great design for us in His own perfect time. It moves us to wait patiently without questioning His purpose nor demand for an answer.
His loving grace, if we just allow ourselves to fully embrace it, will aid us as we finally come to terms with our current situation. We are never alone in our painful journey, He’s just right there beside us. It is just that sometimes we are blinded by fear and numbed by pain that we fail to see and feel His presence.
It will be good to remember that when we want to do little else but pull our hair out or throw our hands up in the air in frustration and surrender, there’s always heaven to look up to and God to call on. When we want nothing but to run up to the hills screaming in despair, there’s that peak at the top where we can take that big leap of faith. God is just right there waiting to catch us with open arms.
Post originally created for the Eat and Cheat Cancer Book Project

Chronicles of a Reluctant Widow #5: Generosity

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia—I was having second thoughts commuting to Genting Highlands a while ago. I was not sold to the idea of venturing out of the city on our own after receiving well meaning advices and warnings from friends. And so I have decided to arrange the trip using the the hotel tour service for my own peace of mind. The tour guide/driver who assisted us was surprisingly this kind old soul who was very accomodating and attentive to our needs, from securing tickets to showing us where to go and what to do. He was with his equally kind wife. When another driver picked us up this afternoon, I was surprised to learn that the old man who drove for us today is the big boss of the tour service that I hired. They were all surprised in fact when he accepted the booking and drove himself. On most days when they are fully booked they normally turn down bookings. I was humbled by the thought and truly grateful of the gesture.
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We had a grand time at Genting Highlands, thanks to these two angels who are clearly heavensent. I’m obviously living out from the generosity of people around here and there really seem to be some kind of mighty force making it possible for things to happen for us here. 🙂