New Year’s Resolutions and Why They Don’t Work

Ever since I was a kid, I always make New Year’s resolutions which I would not be able to keep. It is part of the New Year ritual like jumping up and down when the clock strikes twelve or wearing red polka-dotted shirt or dress to (sigh!) attract money in the coming year. The favorite line during a lull in a conversation after the new year funfare for a while there is, “So, what’s your new year’s resolution?!” In the pre-school where I used to teach and even now in the big school where I am now teaching, writing down one’s New Year’s resolutions is part of the back to school classroom activity.

Over the years, I noticed that people’s New Year’s resolutions are most often things that they detested to do but got to do that is why these New Year’s resolutions usually die out faster than a virus being exposed to the heat of the sun. That is also the reason why these people (me included) easily falls in to that trap of  I can’t do it coz its soooo hard to do crap. Take the case of these following new year’s resolutions:

1. I will quit smoking (If you’re a chain smoker, the thought of not havin’ that fix will completely freak you out and the more you would stuff your mouth with those cigarettes)

2. I will not fight with my wife/husband or sometimes boyfriend/girlfriend. (It is like getting a knife and slitting your own wrist. That suppressed anger will definitely give you a heart attack)

3. I will go on a diet. (if you put this in your new year’s resolution list, every food that you will lay your eyes on would beacon you to go taste and stuff them in your mouth)

4. I will go to the gym often. (believe me, every step towards that gym would be so heavy that you would believe that you really are not feeling well for that workout)

5. I will not shop so much. ( If you’re a girl and you love to shop and you put this on your list, you will be forever depressed)

6. I will forgive those who have hurt me and forget about it. (The thing about pain, it goes away with time. You cannot just force yourself to be fine with something that you feel just isn’t right that fast)

7. I will save up my money.(and forever feel sad for not buying that favorite book or that smashing outfit or that little surprise for your loved one)

And I’m sure there are a lot more new year’s resolutions that we tend to make with good intentions but were not able to keep because they’re just so unattainable. Last year, I scrap new year’s resolutions in my mind and replace it with little goals for myself. I definitely don’t have a timetable for them. I told myself I’ll just find time over the year to do it. No pressure on my part at all. My little goals were things that I would like to do but haven’t really gotten around to doing. And instead of forcing myself into changing my bad habits, I put in my list of little goals, things that would make me feel happy and proud of myself. As I was reviewing my list, I was surprised to see that I was able to do most of them like keeping a journal (I did it thru this blog), getting back to my scoliosis work-up and exercises, controlling my temper, getting my finances in order, giving my husband some slack (hehehe), eat healthy food, consult with my doctor often and be more creative in my teaching etc. etc.

Our new year’s resolutions don’t work out most of the time because we put a set the bar too high and force ourselves to reach it. Most often they are  also the negative things that we truly hate that is why we are not motivated to do it.  Also, these New Year’s resolution that we force ourselves to do are even vague to us that we tend to question its whole point. Change do not happen quickly but gradually. When making resolutions remember to focus on the positive and make them clear and specific to you. We can restate the previous new year’s resolution into the following:

1.   I will smoke half a pack a day instead of the usual 1 pack.

2.   I will let off steam only after listening to his/her side.

3.   I will eat five small meals a day or will treat myself to 2 slices of cake a week instead of the usual 2 whole ones.

4.    I will do 15 minutes treadmill, 50 counts crunches and lift say 3 sets of weights a day.

5.    I will be a smart shopper.

6.   I will see the good in everyone.

7.  I will deposit 500 in my account every pay day.

Remember, make little goals that won’t deprive you of anything and will make you feel good and proud of yourself. Goals that are positive, clear and specific work best instead of the usual New Year’s resolutions that we have been used to that only last as long as the last embers of the fireworks die. Happy New Year everyone.:)

Top Ten Worst Christmas Gifts

Christmas is coming.  I can feel it in the air.  The cool breeze that greets me each morning clearly spells christmas.  I am starting to get giddy with excitement.  I am excited to put up that christmas tree, hang that capiz chistmas lantern, set-up the belen, plan the christmas menu and  of course hit the malls and different bazaars for my christmas shopping.  Over the years my list has become shorter and shorter.  Not because I’ve become stingy at this old age but because giving gifts for me has become short of something special.  Hey, I’m no Santa Claus, I am more likely one the reinders cursing Santa for putting us through those long agony of delivering presents all over the world if I had ever lived during his time.  Anyway, back to my stinginess, I mean my reinvented gift giving.  I used to give everyone I know gifts. I used to spend my whole christmas bonus buying gifts.  I would buy things in bulk and give them away, you know, whatever is cheap in bulk in divisoria so I can give everyone gifts.  But after receiving the same items that i gave away for christmas myself one christmas, I started to feel aghast and question my whole point of christmas gift giving.  And so I lay down the rules for myself, i would only give gifts to people who are very dear to me and I would only buy gifts for them that I know they would truly like and love.  I don’t want them to feel disappointed every time they open up their gift after tearing the wrapper in excitement only find the top ten worst christmas gift ever..that’s truly a heartbreak…so if you really, truly care about the person you would give gifts to this christmas, do not give them these:

10. Fruticake…Whoever invented this cake, I want to strangle him/her.  Every year we receive a lot and not even one we eat coz we suspect that these things called fruticakes are just doing the rounds because not everybody wants it.

9.  Rosary…I mean everybody has one special one so why think that he/she needs another one.  We only need one to be able to pray the rosary.

8.  Scented Candles…no imagination at all, the giver of this.  The regular brownout is long gone so people don’t really need this, it will definitely just stay in one corner until given away as recycled gift or will be used to shoo away the flies during a party. Sad.

7.  Handmade Soaps…let’s face it, not everyone will experiment with their skin and use these handmade soaps all at once.  Besides, anyone I know has already his/her own brand that he/she absolutely swears on.

6.  Picture Frame in plastic, in wood or in cheap crystals...not everyone is a picture display addict.  Now, they would rather store it in there notebook/laptop and click it at their own convenience.

5. Handkerchief/face towel with name…man! this is so last year! or worst so last decade! I mean the person you’re giving it to would totally not forget you–that is everytime he/she wipes his/her sweat or blows his/her nose..ew! you don’t want to be remembered that way, believe me!

4.   Silver/gold Parker pen…it is so unimaginative and boring, unless he/she has this peculiar way of collecting these kind of pens.  It is for people who can’t waste time in thinking so they resort to the most convenient gift–pens.

3.   Chinese coin purses..if you give this, the ones in divisoria or in the streets of baclaran…you have this word written all over you—MAKUNAT a.k.a STINGY.

2.  Planner/calendar…you are in deep danger of becoming a relly boring christmas gift giver if you resort to giving away this one.  You will not be the only one giving away a calendar or plannerr to that person believe me.  By the end of the year, that person will have 2 or more of those calendars and that person definitely will use only one unless he/she puts them in every corner of the room.  So unless its something chic, unique or personalized, scrap this from your gift giving ideas.

1.  Mugs...if you give this away as gift you definitely are makunat (stingy), unimaginative and boring rolled into one.  Absolutely no originality and creativity in his/her bone.  You will be at the lowest level in the eyes of your recepient, a total crass.  Why? because you gave away something he/she already has since he/she graduated from the bottle and learned how to drink from the cup! Each person has one special one that he/she uses from his/her milk guzzling years down to his/her beer guzzling moments now.  Replacing his/her special mug is unthinkable.  So, your mug will just do the rounds like the others after the usually hypocrite “oh, so cute!” because nothing can replace the goo ol’ mug that a person’s mouth has been used to.  Shame on you for even thinking about it!:)

So if you want to be remembered in a nice way, do not give these gifts to your loved ones this christmas.  They say it is the thought that counts.  For me, it is not only the way the person remembered you that matters,  but add to that also are the exta mile that that person willingly went through, and the thought that that person put into that gift just so that he/she can give you the perfect one also matter.

Happy christmas shopping!:)

An Amusing Day at DFA

This one is for the books also, worth writing about just like my not so recent trip to LTO for my driver’s license renewal a few months ago.  I now kinda enjoy doing business with these government agencies with all the amusing things I’ve been experiencing and all the different characters I’ve been meeting there…my real life drama this time, well okay okay, comedy, happened at the Department of Foreign Affairs a.k.a. DFA…and here are the wacky and horrendous characters I met there…

CHARACTER NO.1: THE LONE SHARK. When we got off from the cab, this lone shark together with the other piranas swarmed before us, shouting “ate! ate, dito o me form dito, ano pa kelangan mo? picture, halika dito ka, 2 minutes lang gaganda ka pa! (WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!)”… grrr, of course my ego was hurt, but like what my husband instructed me to do, i didn’t mind them.  And so this lone shark followed me, almost pushing me towards the photo shop and since we didn’t have any photos yet, we gave in. She didn’t stop tattling. She keeps on insisting that they have the best photos there coz you will come out beautiful in your picture (imagine at this point smoke coming out of my ears).  When she saw my DFA appointment letter and my duly accomplished application form though, she blurted out to the other pirana, “Tsugi ko nato, wala naman pala ako kikitaan dito” (AS IF?!) and with that she left in a huff.  (HELLO, ANO KO JUNK NA PAGKAKAKITAAN?!)

CHARACTER NO. 2: LOLA STRESS BALL.  And so we were in line, waiting for our turn to go inside when she arrived.  She was quite a spitfire, chatting with us and interviewing us.  There’s just one problem, she had this word written all over her forehead S-T-R-E-S-S.  When she saw me arranging my daughter’s copy of school ID, she blurted out in panic “School ID? school ID, kelangan ba nyan, wala ako nyan, naku, wala ako nyan?!” (HELLO MANANG, 50 GOING ON 60 KA NA HANAPAN KA PA BA NG SCHOOL ID?!).  A few minutes after reassuring her that it is only required for minors like my daughter, she had again another panic attack when she saw my daughter reading her baptismal certificate.  She shouted, “Baptismal, baptismal, meron ako nyan, teka papaphoto copy ko, teka, save nyo ko dyan” and off she ran to the copy center not even waiting for me to tell her that I just accidentally brought it with me  and it wasn’t needed (SI MANANG TALAGA O, ADIK!).  She never stopped chatting and panicking from processing all the way to encoding.  She even bullied my husband into asking the guard and the man in charge if we need to staple the pictures and if we need to use glue or paste in attaching the pictures.  She asked the same question to anybody she happened to make eye to eye contact with, “Ano ang requirements?!” (PRIVATE JOKE FOR MGs: I asked myself  lots  of times this afternoon when I was with her, “MRS. L_G_SPI, is that you?! the voice down to her brown hair were spookingly like her and of course the you know what..hahaha)

CHARACTER NO.3:  MISS BAD TRIP. She was behind me, silently observing Lola Stress Ball.  When Lola Stress Ball made eye to eye contact with her and asked her the question “ano requirements?”, she screamingly told her, “Tingnan mo kaya likod ng form mo, andyan o, basahin mo, baaasaaaahiiiiin moooo!”. We were all shocked.  I was waiting for them to pull each other’s hair. I was so disappointed when it did not happen..hehehe…I later found out that she was duped by a fixer outside DFA. He asked her for three hundred pesos for the picture and the application from.  She saw red when I told her, well because she asked me, that I downloaded mine from the internet for free and I paid 150 pesos only for the pictures.  She was ready to kill that time and she almost killed Lola Stress Ball.  (DI KO NAMAN ALAM, EDI SANA SINABI KO NA LANG SECRET?!hehehe)

CHARACTERS NO. 4: POWERPUFF GIRLS. These three girls are all set to follow their dreams that’s they were eagerly lining up outside DFA for days now like this afternoon.  They were waiting to be blessed with the much coveted philippine passport.  This is the third time they went back there. Patience and perseverance at its finest definitely.  Bubbles is chasing her dream of becoming a domestic helper in Singapore, Buttercup plans to be a waiter in Dubai and as for Blossoms she is trying her luck in Japan together with her band.  They told me the same thing when I commented that it’s a good thing they don’t get tired coming back there at DFA (they are twice rejected for lack of supporting documents/proof of identity).  All of them answered me with “Para te sa pamilya ko to.”  Talk about filial love at its greatest.  They were all so excited and full of optimism. That is why when I got so impatient in line a couple of times, I restrained myself from having a tantrum fit because seeing them made me think that my discomforts were so little compared to what they’ve been through just to get there.  My husband told when we got home, “Be, ang saya natin kanina nun magkasama tayo, di kasi naginit ulo mo!” If he only knew the self-control I was exerting that time.:)

Well, that’s about it.  There are a lot more characters there, I’m sure, but I didn’t have the chance to meet all of them.  I would love to meet some more but I had enough for the day I guess.  The world is full of amusing people, you just have to go out of your way and meet them.  Our parents always say when we were little kids, don’t talk to strangers.  But you’re not a kid anymore.  Sometimes you just have to smile in welcome to the stranger beside you and you will be surprised to see a different world from their eyes.  For all you know, these strangers might make your day the way Lola Stress Ball, Miss Lone Shark, Miss Badtrip and the Powepuff Girls did to mine.

Some DFA tips: 1.  Better have your picture taken there at the 2 minutes photo shop.  Although nothing spectacular happened to my face like what Miss Lone Shark kept promising, their photos don’t get rejected at all.  It’ll save you another trip back to DFA.  Plus, they have a wide array of blazers to choose from if you’re not in your collared shirt, with a wide array of smells though–from patis to pawis kinda smell (ew!)–never mind that, focus on your goal instead–not to have your photos rejected  2. Bring also your original and photocopied local civil registry birth certificate.  My assesor asked for a photocopy of  my birth certificate from the local civil registry aside from the original NSO certified  3.  Bring a fan with you, it’s hot in the auditorium where the encoding takes place but its more efficient now meaning fast unlike before 4. In the reviewing of documents, choose the line where the assesor is an old lady.  They are more respectful and accomodating unlike the younger ones who are rude and haughty (you will think–UH, IMMIGRATION LINE BA’TO, AM I AN ILLEGAL ALIEN?!).  This pimpled lady acted high and mighty thankfully not to me but to my husband when in fact she was the one who was wrong.  I guess they don’t like their job at all 5. Better show your driver’s license, PRC, SSS and company IDs.  If you don’t have any 3 of these, they will require you to get an NBI clearance which I think is horror of horrors.  Thankfully, I didn’t have to get that or else I’ll have again another exciting trip to another government institution.  If that happens, I won’t be writing about a comedy, it will most likely be an action or suspense drama! Thank God I wouldn’t have to go into that:)

My Special Date with My Husband

I do go out on dates with my husband but often times it is usually a group date or a cosy twosome.  It’s been a long time since I went out on a real date with him alone.  Well of course when we were just dating, we do that often.  By date I mean, being together just the two of us, talking non-stop about anything and everything, holding hands, teasing around, looking at each other’s eyes, sharing secrets, reminiscing, simply having fun and enjoying each other’s company.  It did not happen in a fancy restaurant or in one of our favorite bars.  We did not even dress up for it.  But I can truly say that it was the best date ever.

My husband is great in creating the mood, of setting the tone for an upcoming date.  All the way home yesterday, he can’t stop sharing his plans for this grand date.  I must admit, he got me excited also.  After he picked up my mom from work and the customary dinner with my daughter and mom, we dressed up for our date.  Me in my favorite comfy shirt, pajama bottom and puffy slippers, and he in his favorite tattered white shirt and boxer shorts.  Like I said the date did not happen in some fancy place.  We had it in the lanai of our house.  He was ready not with a full course dinner but with bags of chips.  We did not drink first class wine but bottles of beer.  We did not have a string quartet to serenade us but music coming out from our ipod hooked to our good old speakers.  For the first time after a long time, we were alone…talking, laughing, teasing, holding hands, singing together and stealing kisses.  We’ve never talked as openly as we did that moment and  we never shared thoughts with each other as much as we did last night.   Of course in every date there’s bound to be intruders but instead of spoiling the moment for us our little intruder added a dash of fun to it.  We were visited a couple of times by this little giggling photographer who keeps taking photos of this special moment.  At some point during the evening also I saw little pair of eyes peeking out from the room window, she was snooping and she was smiling widely in our direction.  It was great. I never wished to be some place else last night and I never wished for that date to be any different.  It was for me, just perfect.

Married life demands so much.  There’s always a lot of things happening and a lot of things taking your time. It is a constant balancing act of making sure the circus is running smoothly.  Often times in a day, my husband will just catch me for quick kiss, peck in the cheek, surprise hug or nuzzle in the neck and a whispered I love you. For him and for me those things are enough to pull us out of the chaotic married life for a moment and bring us back to our own little world.  Those things  make up for the dates we planned that did not happen because of  this little girl and old lady we just can’t leave behind. That is why I never love my husband as much as I did last night because he planned our special date that way.  Because he knew that if we had it in a fancy restaurant or in one of our favorite bar, I would never have enjoyed the food, the music and everything for I would always think of the two special persons we would have left behind.  He is that sweet and thoughtful. The night as expected ended in a special way, but of course I would not go into details anymore, it is just too private. hihihi(“,)

Dealing with Dextroscoliosis

You wake up in the morning still feeling overly tired after a long night of sleep and sometimes with a humongous headache to top it all of.  You do your usual thing and feel little bones snapping here and there as you move.  You also have leg or hip pains especially after a long, tiring day. You just can’t stand being on your feet too long and sitting in that same position for long periods of time.  These are generally  what people with dextroscoliosis usually go through.

It is a burden, literally and figuratively, having dextroscoliosis  because it affects the spine which supports our body and the rib cage which protects our internal organs.  Dextroscoliosis is a slow, sideways rotation of the spine together with the rib cage which results in its curvature.  Well, that’s actually to put it mildly and simply.  If detected early, there’s a big chance for the spine to be corrected back to its proper, normal curve through series of therapy and back braces. But if detected too late, like in my case which is 45 degrees already, series of therapy not to correct the spine but to slow down the progress of the curve is highly recommended.  Spine surgery is also the only way at this point to correct the spine.  There is also dextroscoliosis, like again in my case, where a simultaneous curvature at the lower back or what you call “S” curve happens.  The lower curvature compensates for the curvature in the upper back.

There’s no scientific evidences yet that suggest that scoliosis of any kind is hereditary or is in the genes.  Rehab medicine points out to the kind of lifestyle a person has as the main reason for the development of scoliosis.  Improper posture, constant carrying of heavy loads, lack of exercise, strenuous activities and sometimes accidents are just some of the major culprits.  There are no medicines either that can cure scoliosis.  Change of lifestyle is the only cure for scoliosis.  Daily exercises recommended by your rehab doctor which sometimes consist of: Strengthening exercises for the back such as stretching in the direction opposite the curve, curl ups or crunches to strengthen abdomen which should bear the brunt of the heavy load we carry, and stretching/strengthening exercises for the hips and hamstrings of the legs are highly recommended.  Scheduled therapies for the back and hips for pain management are also required.  The therapy machines which have internal heating capabilities, help relax the bunched up muscles which most often causes the pains.  Adapting a healthy lifestyle such as eating healthy food especially those rich in calcium is very important.  Loosing weight or keeping your weight in proportion with  your height should also be practiced because excess weight strains the spine.

A person with scoliosis should adapt a positive attitude.  For without this, you will feel that self-management of scoliosis will just be too hard and will just be too much too handle.  Self-discipline should also be developed because without that all efforts of fighting off the progress of the curve will just go to waste.  For those who have scoliosis like me, always remember that our back doesn’t set us apart from others, what sets us apart is our determination to not let this thing get in our way of enjoying and embracing life and everything that it has to offer…

Vive bene’ spesso l’ amore di risata molto (live well, laugh much and love often)

See my some of my management exercises here : Managing Dextro(Scoliosis) Through Exercise

Latest Fad to Hit Town: Cancer

Yep, you read it right. The latest fad to hit town is cancer. Cancer which used to be a hush hush topic before, cancer that at one time in the past only embraced few people we know are now invading our comfort zones with such rapidity and at an alarming rate. Now, I’m sure you know of one person personally who has cancer. Before, it used to hit only the elderly and the weak but now even young children and the healthy ones are suddenly afflicted with cancer.

I was having a nice lunch in our own little haven in our faculty last week when I decided to read this article about cancer which totally freaked me out. I realized that if there is such a thing as Search for Outstanding Cancer Candidate, the title would go to me hands down.   It says there in the article that each of us have cancer cells in our body, the kind of lifestyle that we have and the strength of our immune system will determine if these cancer cells will mutate in big numbers or shall we say stay at a level that is safe. Cancer cells like to party on in an acidic environment.  Meat lovers out there like me produced so much acid in the intestine. I’m sure the cancer cells in me are having a blast everytime I eat those crispy pata, steak and inihaw na liempo. Geez! It goes on in saying that cancer cell diet is mostly protein based, meaning the more you eat red meat which are high sources of bad protein, the more you are feeding those cancer cells making them big and strong, and not to mention multiply in numbers. And those icky green vegetables are just what we need to control these pesky cancer cells. These greens contain oxidants that flushed out acids and such other things in our body. I am a certified meat lover, fish and anything coming straight out of the water are absolutely not in my food list. But after reading that article, I guess i have to change my eating habits if i still want to enjoy life and not be haunted by the thought that I’m a walking cancer bomb waiting to explode. More greens, fish and chicken meat which are sources of good protein are highly recommended.

Of course genes also count. If there is cancer history in your  family, the more you need to be vigilant in living a full, healthy life. Living a full healthy life doesn’t only mean eating the right food and adapting a healthy lifestyle (resting and getting a good amount of sleeping everyday to rejuvenate dying cells and repair damaged good cells which can fight off cancer cell) but also having that positive outlook in life. The article goes on in saying that negativity such as anger, selfishness, unforgiving attitude and stress make our body produce deadly acids and toxins that are food for these cancer cells. So next time you get mad, think and say those negative words, think of the thousand toxins you release inside your body and the thousand cancer cells happily lapping it up. The stress in your life is actually your own doing,  you create stress when you choose to respond to something in a negative way. So when you feel an anger boiling in the surface, intense pressure at work or frustration over an unresolved problem– stop, relax a bit, pray, do a quick meditation or settle into your yoga position, or call someone whom you can release all of these stressors with so they won’t go inside your body as fuels for toxins but simply out of your system.  Or better yet think happy positive thoughts…:)

May cancer not be with you…:)

Stress-free Life

I have been surrounded by stressed out people lately.  It seems that all of them are almost at their wits end because of the varied stressors that seem to be attacking their universe.  I can say that at some point in my life, I have been in their shoes so I completely know the feeling of somebody who is about to lose their sanity because of those relationship problems that are just too much to handle.  Here are but some of the simple things that I learned from different people and from the school of hard knocks that helped me get through those horrific stressful moments in my life with (whew!) my sanity still intact…

Tips for a stress-free life:

Always think happy thoughts…do not dwell too much on past hurts.  If shattered to pieces by some big blow of life, pick up where you left off when you were just happily going about your everyday life, dust off to make sure there are no remnants of the hurt left and move on…

Think positive…in this way you will attract blessings and good things. Negative thoughts and words coming from you will block the positive energy coming your way and instead attract negative things back to you

Stay away from toxic people…walk away from a fight or to a person itching to have one, turn your back from gossip mongers or from a person whose main agenda is to destroy people and relationships.  You don’t know how good it feels thinking that you yourself chose not to go down to their very low level

Surround yourself with good people…people/mentors who can give you sound advices, friends who will not tolerate your lunatic tendencies but instead help you become a better person

Accept your shortcomings…like what I always say, you can blame others for all the misfortunes in your life but in the end there’s really nothing to blame but yourself, for in life we are forever presented with choices, your choice is defined by the kind character, attitude and  values that you have..so make peace with yourself

Forgive yourself…you cannot successfully move on if you have a lot of excess baggages in your life that need sorting out.  Deal with your personal issues so you will not commit the same mistakes or find yourself in the same stressful situation again

It’s okay to be angry…I am known for my quick temper in our family.  My husband knows how to play with my temper.  It is okay to get really really angry, what is not okay is to stay angry for a long time coz in the end you are the one who will suffer even if you’re the one who has been wronged..so chill out

Acknowledge that people are different…sometimes we get frustrated because we expect others to act the way we like them to.  Well, surprise, surprise, their umbilical cord is not connected to you, your hearts don’t beat as one and you both are not thinking the same thoughts.  So it is useless to expect the person to love you back just because you love him/her or stick it out with you just because you sacrificed a lot for him/her

See the good in every person…sometimes we tend to focus on the bad side of the person just so we can reassure ourselves that our bad action towards him/her is totally acceptable.  Try forgetting the bad stuff and instead look for something good or remember the good in that person so that the thought of him/her just living in the same universe as you is not so bad after all

Accept that there are some things better left undone..same as there are some things that are better left unsaid.  Things have its own way of working out.  As long as you did all your best to straighten it out that is enough.  Know when to stop and give up

Strive to be the person you can be proud of…I always say that what others think of you is not what is important but instead how you see yourself and how proud you are of what you see are what’s important

May stress-free life be with you…

900th Hits

I was surprised to see that my blogsite reached the 900 hits mark today.  That means some people cared enough to know and read about my thoughts nine hundred times over.  Last January I listed down a couple of things that I promised to do this year.  One of that is journal writing.  I stumbled upon this site through a friend.  I started posting my blog entries here at first out of laziness because writing takes so much of an effort than typing.  I figured since I am an internet addict, why not do it some place convenient for me.  Besides picking out the best journal ever to write on  was taking so much time and totally freaking my husband out.  I never thought i would come this far and i never thought I would enjoy it this much.  I actually look forward in making these blog entries.  Sometimes I pretend that I am this great writer and i have this huge following.   When i get to see comments left in my blog entries, I get excited and amazed.  I can’t believe that some people really read them and they have the same experiences.  One touching comment though came from this girl sagarika.  I called her that because that’s the  email address that she left in my comment box.  She was asking me for more prayers for her marriage after reading the prayer to a happy married life that I posted here.  I never thought I can even make a difference or help in some way to a total stranger through the writings here in my blogsite.  I hope sagarika, wherever you are and whoever you are, the prayer that I posted here helped save your marriage as it did mine.

For those of you who cared enough to read my thoughts, thank you very much.  You may be one of my friends or a total stranger who happen to stumble upon some of my amateur writings.  Whoever you guys are, I just want you to know, you made one of my childhood dreams come true and that is to be a writer, even if just an amateur one. Read on…

Struggling with Dextroscoliosis

I had been coming in and out of therapy for the past two weeks. I had been experiencing backpains again due to my dextroscoliosis that the doctor decided to let me go through a series of physical therapy sessions again that were a bit strenuous but relaxing at the same time. My sessions are finally done but my struggle with dextroscoliosis is not yet over. I was formally diagnosed with this physical ailment 12 years ago. By that time it was too late to correct the spine because it was forty five degrees already. The only option that time was spine surgery. For lack of money and fear of the major operation and its after effects, my family decided against it. So I had to go through the physical therapy and back braces to stop the progress of the curve. I wore the back brace all through college, well not all the time since being strapped with metal is kind of uncomfortable and hard so I wore it only some days. When I was working already, I decided to discard the back braces and just stick with the series of exercises that I had to do for the rest of my life. My rehab doctor advised me not to get pregnant for it would be risky. But nothing can stop those raging hormones and the promising stage of motherhood so I went ahead with my pregnancy which drove my father crazy. The whole pregnancy was without problems, I didn’t experience back pains and the other horrors that my rehab doctor was telling me about. But come delivery time, I never thought it’ll be that traumatic. At the last minute, my doctor decided to cut me up because the baby wouldn’t fit into that thing where she was supposed to come out. It required epidural anesthesia because my doctor ruled out general anesthesia for it was too risky.  They had a hard time inserting the needle in my twisting “S” curve spine. It seemed endless, I felt each poke of the needle, each hit and miss. It took three anesthesiologist before they were able to insert the anesthesia in my spine. Each poke of the needle was like a poke in my soul because I feared not only for my life but for the life of my baby as well because time was running out. But that’s all water under the bridge now, I was able to deliver my baby safely sans dextoscoliosis.

My daughter always asks me about the hump in my back before but unlike some people who will just come up to me, feel my hump and tactlessly say “ano to? Kuba ka?”, she would say it and feel it with awe and reverence. Lately, when I’m rubbing her back, she would asks me “mommy do you feel any hump?” and when I tell her no, she would get disappointed because she wants to have one like me because she wants to look like me. It was a long time coming, my acceptance that I’ll never have the perfect back like other people. It was a constant source of insecurity for me. I tried to hide it by growing long, black gloriously beautiful hair back in high school. It was like a deep dark secret. I was successful in hiding it well until college. I was conscious with the way I move and with the clothes I wear. I detested tight fitting clothes and develop this snobby air more as a defense mechanism rather than an attitude. It took my husband who loves me hunchback and all for me to slowly accept that I’m never going to have that perfect back like other people. He doesn’t know that each time he rubs my back and says I’m beautiful, he strips away one layer of insecurity. It took a while before I can easily explain to others about the hump and not feel any stab of pain or embarrassment. A while before I was able to accept, understand and be comfortable with myself. I still have long way to go I know, there are still moments of uneasiness and self-consciousness.  I took a big step though last summer which tells me that I’m slowly getting there, I finally cut my hair short.

I always say that how people see you is not important but how you view yourself and how proud you are of what you see are what matters. I learned that the hard way. I’ve been labeled maliciously “kuba or hunchback’ a lot of times by playmates when I was young and by somebody who truly hates me before, they bruised my ego big time. But the people who see me, like me and love me everyday despite my hunchback, my family and friends, they do more than just give my ego a good rub, they fill and lift my spirit up and bless my soul.  You guys just don’t know how important your presence and friendship are to somebody like me who up until now is still struggling with dextroscoliosis…

30 and still counting…

Today I turned a year older. But unlike others who would make a show of keeping their age a secret, I am proud to tell anybody who cares to asks that I am now 30 years old. I don’t really see any point of hiding one’s age unless 1.) you look older than your age 2.) you act immature for your age and 3.) you don’t act your age at all. Well, I am neither one. My birthday was just like any ordinary day with a lot of extraordinary things happening. I realized that a lot of people really cares for me—my husband, my family, my colleagues, my small circle of friends at work, my former and present students, my friends who I haven’t seen for a long time but whose presence I constantly feel in special events like this and old friends from way way back who never fails to make a comeback in my life. They all remembered and they all made me realize how far I’ve come. I can say that I’ve lived this 30 years well, for them and because of them. It is not me who made me but all the people that has been and still are part of my life.

I do not have any regrets. I am living a full life and I have come full circle. In my thirty years of living I’ve realized quite a lot of things. I realized that in life, you have to make things happen if you want something going in your life. You should not wait for somebody to come who will make you happy. You have to find happiness in other things for if you depend on others to give you the happiness that you are searching for, you will forever feel robbed if they let you down or if it doesn’t work out. Happiness is a choice, you either let yourself be carried away or drown in your frustration, loneliness, sorrow, anger or despair OR choose to snap out of it and just live. It is you who calls the shots in your life. Some people just love you and some people just don’t, we just have to remember that we are not born to please others but ourselves. If people say hurtful things to you, always remember that it doesn’t say much about the kind of person you are but the kind of person that person is. How others see you is not what is important but how you view yourself and how proud you are of what you see are what’s important. Look good and feel good inside out not for others and not because of others but for yourselves and because you want to yourself. Problems and difficulties will always be there, so why ran away from them, it is better to face them head on and deal with them right away than forever search for that perfect life, job or relationship that for all you know may never happen at all. Do not expect your partner to be perfect coz in the first place you are not perfect yourself. You have to share whatever you can share, for it will come back to you in blessings in least expected moments. Fate, luck and destiny all boils down to what is meant to be…what is meant to be is actually how you want your life to be, for in life we are forever presented with choices…so it is just a matter of picking the right choice and at the same time being open to life’s little pleasant surprises. A while ago, our department, just for fun, raffled a couple of girly items, my number was picked and guess what I got—a red lipstick—fate, luck, destiny or meant to be?—nah, I guess this is one of those life’s little pleasant surprises…so its happy birthday to me everyday again… 🙂

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