Day 2 of the radioactive treatment was a bit difficult for Bianca. As the radioactive pill works to eliminate the remaining microscopic cancer cells not otherwise removed by surgery, her body doubles over as she feels more strongly its after effects. Vomitting and nauseousness were more frequent today than yesterday. She wasn’t up for anything other than lying down and waiting to fall asleep. I felt so helpless not being able to be by her side.
Sometimes I think that I do suck at motherhood like I can’t cook her a decent meal coz when I do I only managed to burn the eggs or drop the hotdogs. I can’t teach her math coz when I do she fails her tests. I can’t help her sew buttons on her clothes coz when I do it doesn’t match the hole. But seeing her handle this thing beautifully, seeing her smile despite feeling bad after a bout of vomitting and nausea or hearing her voice over the phone reassuring me that she’s okay and can handle things on her own, it also makes me think that maybe I didn’t do so bad in this parenting thing afterall. The lack of domestic bone in my body to which I more than make up for by giving her peptalks on how to be kind and understanding to people with limited homemaking skills (*wink*wink) has produced this exceptionally independent, strongwilled, kindhearted, and happy spirited old soul who just simply amazes and humbles me whenever she calls me mommy. I am truly beyond blessed to be handpicked by God to be her mom. All shall be well. I believe. I trust. I claim.