Most of the time, the root cause of most conflicts in a family, may it be spousal relationship or parent-child relationship is simply not knowing each other’s love language. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, a leading marriage counselor in the US, everyone has a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. We express love and receive love in different ways. According to him, there are five universal love languages that we all identify with. These are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” is more important for you than loving gestures. And hearing the reasons behind that love will all the more make your spirit soar. And just as powerful loving words are to you, insults and unkind words will leave you shattered.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. If this is your love language, the physical presence of your significant other more than his promising words will make you feel truly special and loved. For you, it is critical that you feel your loved one being right then and there with you—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen are big issues you usually struggle with. Since you show love in this way too, your loved ones can always count on you to be the first one to be there for them anytime.
If this is your love language, receiving gifts or simple little stuffs from your loved one makes you feel over the moon. You thrive on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. This is not in any way makes you a materialistic person though, if you speak this language, this only means that the perfect gift or gesture speaks volumes more than words or action. And since you speak this language too, you show your love by showering your loved ones with simple notes, little gifts and well-thought out surprise. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would spell disaster for you—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
ACTS OF SERVICE
If this is your love language, simple acts of service as well as the words “Let me do that for you” are surefire ways to melt and tickle your heart. Likewise, you show your love through simple acts of service, such as cooking for them, arranging their stuffs or driving them around. Laziness and broken commitments will leave you feeling hurt or taken for granted.
If this is the love language you speak, simple physical touch such as hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face mean the world to you. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial points for you while neglect or abuse is simply unforgivable and unacceptable.
Whereas knowing the love language of your wife, husband and kids will save you the trouble of having to go through endless drama everyday, the same holds true with your relationships outside the home. Knowing the love language of your boss, subordinates, and friends will help improve your professional and personal dealings with them. Being sensitive to the way they receive and show love will save you the trouble of having to explain yourself lest they feel that their feelings were trampled, neglected or set aside.
Being aware of how a person receive love and show love will lead to better communication and understanding which are essential in maintaining good relationships. To find out your primary love language, take this quiz:LOVE LANGUAGE ASSESSMENT. Encourage your husband, wife, kids and friends to take the quiz too.:)